In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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