dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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