We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
