Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
