No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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