I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
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I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
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So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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