I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
