Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize