I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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