She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
