watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
