His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
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He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
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The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Just puked most of my soul out..
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