I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
