She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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