yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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