I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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