Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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