Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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