Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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