I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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