My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
