Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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