Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
