I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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