Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
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Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
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I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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