you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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