I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
