Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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