She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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