WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
