You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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