If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
