You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize