So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
