Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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