Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
