All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
