When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
