After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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