Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
