i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
