AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize