So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
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Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
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YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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