So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
