She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
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Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
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You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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