the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
