i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
