for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
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Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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