Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
