Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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