I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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