a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
