I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
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her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My ass is underappreciated
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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