I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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