is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
