It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
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