He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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