I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
