I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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